My Past

I know allot of you have read about some really horrible things that happened to me as a child but my life was not all bad. I have had some struggles but I have gotten through them.

My Past

I was born in Jackson Mississippi. I was born at the Baptist Hospital in 1977 close to the end of the disco period. I grew up on disco and soul music. I remember when I was young my favorite artist was Rick James. “Super Freak” was my favorite song.

I lived as a boy all the way till I was 19 years old. I will take you back.

Before I turned 5 there was a horrible situation that happened to me. My mom let me stay at this woman’s house cause I was so little. I used to put a chair up to the door and sneak out the house. I would walk around the block. The street was not the best street but I was not scared at that age. Some guys came by me and convinced me to get in the car. I remember they were in College or so I think. All white guys that were looking for a place to buy drugs. Well I don’t remember everything that happened but it was pretty bad. That’s when I realized that not all people like black people.

At 5 years old I told my grandmother I wanted to be a girl. In Kindergarden I used to play with the girls mostly at school and this guy started to like me. He called me his girlfriend. I liked him also for 5 years old liking someone. I wanted to be his girlfriend so bad. I knew I wanted to be a woman when I saw Bo and Hope on “Days of Our Lives” the tv show. I wanted to be Hope so bad. She was strong minded and a good woman to Bo. I wanted to be a strong woman. Never wanted to be a strong man.

The next time I knew I wanted to be a girl was in 3rd grade. I made the teacher let me play with the girls when it was time for kick ball. I could not ever see myself playing with the boys. They were all so rough and tough. There was a guy in my grade also had the biggest crush on me. I kept ignoring him cause I did not want my parents to ever find out about me. My parents said if they found I was gay that would hurt me really bad. I was always scared to let them know I wanted to be a girl and that I liked boys.

The next time I knew I wanted to be a girl was in 6th grade when I was in this class and I had the biggest crush on two boys in my class. I knew I wanted to be a girl so bad. Not just cause I like boys but cause I felt like a woman.

When I started Jr High school is when my gay side started to come out. I did not want to be in any sports or anything like that. I wanted to a girl. I knew I wanted to be a girl. By 9th grade I started acting out and people knew I was gay and wanted to be a girl. I told some girls and they told everyone in school. I had a really light voice and I would talk to boys on the phone in other areas and not tell them I was a boy and try to court those boys. I tried out for Star Search between 7th and 8th grade. I almost made it in the dance competition.

By High School everyone knew I was gay. Word had got around and I was a joke to most. I remember some boys making jokes about me. I was in a car accident with my mom and almost went out the windshield cause I was not wearing a seat belt. I had 3 teeth knocked out my mouth that day. I remember the black kids at my school said I got my teeth knocked out trying to suck cock. I will never forget that. I almost died and kids were making fun of me cause my teeth were knocked out.

When I turned 18 I ran away from home . I was legal to leave so I left. It was hard. When I first left I stayed at a boarding house. Then me and one of the other boarding house residents got a house together. He was strait and I was gay at 18. I convinced a friend from High School to come and live with us. Me and that friend were together for a year or so. I had my first boyfriend living at that house as a gay man and it was a horrible relationship. He was married and I hated it and eventually broke it off.

I was working at the Super K when I was 18 going on 19 when a girl came to me and told me. “You can’t dress as a man one day at work and dress as a woman the next day. You need to pick what you want to be and stick to it.” That’s when I decided to be a woman all the time. At 19 is when I started to live as a woman. Later that Year I went to job corps for 6 months. I got a skill and my GED. I was made to stay in the boys dorms and I hated it.

At 19 I started to pretend to be a biological woman in relationships and in life. In Mississippi no one liked transsexuals in the 90s. I had to always pretend to be a biological woman. There were so many times guys found out and wanted to hurt me but nothing happened. There was a situation I was at these guys house and I fell to sleep and they looked under my dress and found me having a hard on. I could have been killed but they didn’t but did make threats later. So many times I been in danger and someone had to be looking out for me.

I went to Job Corps at 19. I had to stay in the boys dorm for the 4 months I was there. I got my GED and a clerical skill while staying there. I received so many threats while I was there but the counselors protected me.

Later that year I went to my first community college in Brookhaven, MS. Everyone at the school found out what I was so I left cause of harassment. Allot of my family member went to that school so that didn’t help the situation.

I went back to Jackson, MS to live as a full time woman. I had very few relationships in Jackson. Every guy I dated did not know what I was. I dated guys and did not tell them. That was my problem mostly in Mississippi. I could not tell people what I was.

I moved to Gulfport in 1997 at 20 years old. That’s when I really started to have fun as a girl. I worked all my jobs a woman and had many problems sometimes but other times I was ok. Some people could tell others could not.

One day I needed a ride home and I ran into some guys. It was four of them. They offered to give me a ride home. I did not see trouble from a mile away. The 4 guys ran into 3 other guys and they all made me give them oral sex each and every one of them. I told them I was on my period so they would not want to fuck me. Some still tried but I pushed them off. Yes I was raped before. I am just blessed I survived.

I got in a relationship at 21. It was with this thug. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was lonely and he gave me comfort. At first he didn’t know about me and he kicked me in the face when he found out. I still stayed with him till he got even more abusive mentally and a few times physically. Plus, he tried to sleep with my roommate.

Later when I was 21 I went to work on this construction site. It was in a November. I worked there till after my birthday. One of the worst situations of my life happened while I was there. Some guys at the site found out about me and all started harassing me at lunch time. It was over a 100 guys yelling and scream at me saying punk, fag, drag queen. I never been hurt so much in my life. I talked to a supervisor and they talked to the other super visor and there was no problem. I think that is why I have problems leaving my house these days cause I know there is hatred out there for people like me.

I got in my first girl boy serious relationship when I turned 24. I was with him till I was 26. We made it about 2 years. I was very controlling with him and I put him into debt always demanding he spoil me. I am glad I grew up cause I ruined this guys life being a demanding bitch. My lifestyle was hard on him and I nagged him all the time. He could never make me happy.

When the guy left me I started escorting. I was working at a nursing home and escorting on the side. The escorting was slow because very few guys wanted someone like me.

In 2002 I met a married guy who did not tell me he was married at first and lied about his age. I fell in love with him and all that did not matter. We moved to Louisiana. Well I moved to Louisiana to be near him. He was the first guy I dated that liked actual tgirls. We were together for 5 years. He spent 2 days with me and the rest with his wife. I called myself his Concubine.

In 2005 to 2007 I started escorting on the side toe make extra money. Gosh I hated it. Some guys were ok others were not. In 2007 I took a trip to Texas to escort and got arrested. I was so scared in the holding. I never went to the real prison. The married guy I was with and the help of my family I got out of jail.

in 2008 the married guy lost interest with me and fell in love with someone else. It happens but he still cared about me but not as much, so I decided to move.

In 2008 I moved to Philadelphia. Thats where I met Tia and Ashley. I was there for 4 years. Everything I had gained in Louisiana I lost in Philly. Philly was a great time in my life and a time I lost everything in my life. I wish I could go back to Louisiana and I would have never moved to Philly. It destroyed me a little.

Then I moved to ARmstrong County which was the worst move of all. I struggled here more than anywhere else.