So Tired, Weak

Its weird, I was born with lots of determination and yet all I do is push others to succeed.

I see all the mistakes I made in my life and I need to fix those but its too late.

I can only focus on a new life for me. I do have a little motivation sometimes. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, but its so much work I hate to be bothered.

I was never born to work on cars, paint, build. I wish I had been. I would have done so much.

Life is what you make it but I need to make life so much better for myself.

I want to pay back all the people I owe, but my debt just keeps multiplying. I need to make money, I need to do cam again , that is where the money is. I refuse to escort. I hate guys touching my body I don’t love.

You know I was one of those tgirls looking for my prince charming and I met him but he did not like I was a tgirl. It sucked. Most guys that like tgirls are so confused and messed up already they only date tgirls cause we like a last option.

This is my problem, I have to work to myself attractive. Why cant I be like those other girls and just wake up and be attractive. O no, I have to put on make up and all. Plus I moved to an area men don’t care for me much.

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Feeding on my frustration and hardships

Sometimes I know its weird but it seems people want to feed on my frustrations. When I am laughing and stuff they dont’ want to talk to me but when I am sad and doing bad for myself they want to call. Now it could be they are worried about me but I would think they would be like, “CAll me when you happy!” You know what I mean.

I miss the happy days. I have not been truly happy since I left Louisiana or had to move out my apartment in Philadelphia.

I don’t know what to do.

This guy named Jered is like that. I mean he never calls and tells me great things that happen to him. He could be like guess what, I got a raise. I would be so happy for him. I mean the last time he told me something good was when it was his birthday. He knows my life sucks. Tell me some good things about your life so I can live through you.

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Bless me Isis on this Day

Isis please bless me with wealth and prosperity, so let it be.

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August 2014

This month was not as productive as I wanted it. There is a guy I like but he is very distant with me cause I made the statement I am physically attracted to him more than mentally. You know what I mean. I mean sexually he gets me hot again. My mind is not going crazy like it was in July. I don’t know why I was going so crazy. I was hearing voices and all. I even was thinking I was going to blow up the world and stuff.

So many guys from other countries put stuff in my head and I think it makes me crazy sometimes. For some reason on Facebook its got guys from all over the world contacting me cause I put my contact information. In one way I am like let me take it down but it fascinates me how they are calling me from these other countries. I know people in other countries and they can’t afford to call me with the prices. Yet guys from all over the world even Saudi Arabia are contacting me and asking me do I want their cocks and stuff. Some guys call and when they find out my number is real they hang up on me. I know some of you think I was crazy thinking we were going to go into another world war and things are going crazy but my predictions are not that far apart. I mean look what Russia is doing over seas and trying to conquer territories again. More hate for Obama and its sad that he can’t make two sides happy.

Dear Mr President:

Will you please think about the business leaders of the USA. Yes they are ass holes and only care about themselves but, they are the ones that write your voters the paychecks. I know the world judges you for your half race but you are an individual that represents all. You want to give free healthcare and that is one thing we need but don’t forget these companies you are aiming to pay for healthcare lay off thousands of workers and that hurts all. Helping them all with unemployment helps a little but where is the money going to come from as you trying to help some and others are getting hurt.

This unemployment rate is making even more people just want to sit back and relax. Work environments are horrible these days. Conditions are better but the gossip and the judgement are stronger and worse.

Shemalevicki Out

I have contacted my senators and congress and they are more concerned with big business which is good but the big business man is angry at Obama. I talk to them on the phonesex line and they are really really angry. I could not even date some guys cause they are made at Obama.

You know the weirdest thing. The guy I really call myself liking said he is hates Obama cause he cut the military Salary then he gave his wife a trip on USA money to save their marriage. I mean presidents and first wives are to be secured at all times, but if Obama is about the people why didn’t cut his salary. Not my words. Actually I don’t even know the guy he is just another guy that probably gives tgirls fake names and call with blocked numbers but I like him a little cause he was there to talk to .

I guess I am ranting and going on an on about so many different things and allot of guys are like shut up Vicki and take your clothes off. I am just angry at the world and think that anger drove me crazy.

You know what makes me happy latly, is buying from Publishers Clearing house. Now I don’t like online games much so I don’t play them but allot of people are winning by playing the online games. The person that gets the most points on the Pch.com games everyday gets 100 bucks. So I wonder can a guy make a living from just playing PCH games. Thats funny right.

O and news flash, black and spanish people are now winning on Publishers Clearing house. I mean one would win every blue moon but now people are winning all the time. Thank you PCH for letting all races and personalities win. I am waiting for a gay, middle eastern and asian couple to win now. I mean those are the ones I want to see. If they get them then PCH will beat out the powerball.

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Over Crowded and Getting Fat

I still want to move. I mean things are not major upsetting since I got the new medicine. I still need to move.

I don’t have but 1 friend here and he is married so that will not go that far. I need someone for emergencies that can help me. My neighbors talk to me but its neighborly.

I miss the fun I used to have dressing up for you guys. There were days I would feel so happy and dress up for you and make videos for you.

I loved it.

I am on one of my really old computers today and it makes me think looking at these old photos of how freaky and sexual I was. I need a bigger place so I can roam and do things I want to do.

Tia and I are talking again. I have not heard from Infiniti. She was saying medicare is paying for operations but she does not have medicare and it takes a long time to get it. She has insurance but does not want to go to court to get her insurance company to pay for it.

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Tia and Infiniti are both a little mad at me

I am kind of pushy and they are kind of set in their ways. Tia
and Infiniti
Tia is so hard headed and this guy that likes me she constantly sees them online and wants to call me and say he is online hitting on other girls. That is not her business and I am not in a relationship, we are just close friends.

Now she is right about some guys but no one is right all the time

Infiniti is a little mad at me cause I saw a guy that was 6’5 and he was perfect for her. He thinks I am a little too slutty for him. Actually allot of guys think that. They are not smart enough to come to my blog and realize thats just a freaky side of me. I am really old school in other ways.

Regardless of talking to my friends I hopoe they both find happiness

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How long does it take to get help from friends, or life to get better for them.

I have a few friends and its hard for them to help me right now cause most are unemployed and barely surviving themselves and no one cosigns for anyone anymore. I mean that ended in the 90s.

There is one guy thats has cared about me for 2 years now but he had some issues with me cause of my studies and my beliefs but now he he wants to be more understanding but he is not rich. I don’t know what will happen in the end.

Allot of people said why can’t I move in with Tia but for some reason, I am allergic at her place. I am not major allergic to animals but some yes. It makes no sense.

I do not have a boyfriend yet. I do have someone I care about so much but it could be another heart breaker.

I hope you all are doing better than me.

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Met someone local to help me sometimes

I am glad someone to finally helped me around here. I still don’t want to stay in the area, but good to have a friend. Lots of people contact me near here but they only want sex to help me.

Also he is a mechanic and carpenter. He is a jack of all trades

I wish I had more friends like that. Just friends that will be there in very important situations.

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Got Another Speeding Ticket

I got another speeding ticket and its bad news for me cause my points are already low in the state of PA. They might to suspend my license for 3 months. I think that is a stupid rule but PA believes it keeps drivers safe. I so want to leave this tate. I can’t stand it here.

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Going to Philly 7/10/2014 to 7/11/2014

I will only be in Philly for one day. So that means it will be little time to see anyone. I have to go there for the program and then go home come my funds are so limited. I know it all sucks to me as well.

I am going to have to leave here Thursday morning 7/10/2014 round 1 or 2 am and then make it here for 7 am cause I have an appointment at 10. I know that sucks. My sleep is off anyway. Then I go to the hotel in King of Prussia and then go home.

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