Depression and Agoraphobia

I know yall hate for me to talk about my depression but its getting in the way. I have a picnic coming up on August the 8th at the North Park Mall from 12 to 7:30. I need to get out the house more but it seems I have to make myself get out. I could go get a hotel room but when I get a room I never usually want to leave the bed.

I just want a new place. If I get a new place I will be happy.

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My New Email

Everyone just to let you know you can always email me. My email is shemalevicki@gmail.com

You can add me on facebook and twitter if you would like. My email on facebook is sstvickisecret@yahoo.com

But always email me directly at shemalevicki@gmail.com

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Thinking of Doing Cam Shows again

I have had really bad times doing cam shows. I need the money so I can move though. So I am going to start doing cam shows again. Wish me luck. If you ever want to find me doing cam shows. Go to www.niteflirt.com/vickitorysecret and we can discuss cam on email

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Feeling so much better

Hello, thanks for your email and to show that you care. I am feeling better. I hope you all continue to care about my health cause its a struggle to be me these days. I hope things get better for me.

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I am Throwing up Again

I was better but I think its the meat I eat sometimes. Come to find out my freezer is frost bitten allot food so work with me. I don’t want to be sick again but it seems it happened. It really happened again. This might just be a one day thing but for now I through all my food up.

I will tell you what caused it though. I have this caller on niteflirt that makes me gag and he gets turned on by it. I actually have a couple of guys like that. I think I can’t fake gag cause when ever I gag or pretend to gag on cock I throw up. I am very serious. Its crazy. So I blocked that guy and will block any others that want me to gag. I will just have to tell them I get severely sick when I gag.

Now don’t forget you can call me on niteflirt www.niteflirt.com/vickitorysecret

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I started on my new book

Its a story about a white family and a black family being close since the slave days. I know thats a depressing topic but its not. The slave owners in this book took care of the slaves and showed them much love.

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I got used this past weekend

This guy I been talking to for a long time, well long to me said hey lets get a room no sex and just friendship. Ok he agreed I just rent a car to drive us and he will pay for the room. I kept telling him this is not fees-able but he kept talking me into it.

I used my card to get the car but he wanted this cheap as room for a 100 bucks and I told him I could get us upscale room for a 100 bucks. He agreed to that and then we went to the hotel and he said he forgot his credit card after us driving. I said I will get it, and he said he will pay me back. Well that payback never happened. Now I do tell you we did not have sex. We are just friends but he still tricked me. I could have been at home working instead of maxing out my credit card. I am so pissed. I am just sick of men that use people. I am a nice person so guys take advantage of that all the time. Its like they act like I am this stupid bitch and sometimes I start to believe it myself. I might need to find a new area to live. It might just be the guys in this area. I just wish I could be near guys that respected me and not try to take advantage of me.

I had the red flags though. He didn’t have a car, he stayed with his parents, he was short on dinner on our first date. I had the flags and I did not pay attention. Just sick of men using me.

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I am keeping my spirits up

No more sobbing about someone that has a life of their own. He was perfect to me but he has his problems and I have mine. I need to fix myself before I get totally serious. I have so many issues with weight, health (diabeties), and attention.

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I am doing better much better

I am still coughing though. I think its this house. I am not struggling as bad either. I hope this month makes me stronger like last month I got stronger. I want to be tougher and stronger. I am totally single again but its my choice. I have to focus on improving my situation. Everyone around me is doing better than me. I need to find my happiness by improving myself. I still love someone and dont’ talk anymore but they had their own situations to fix. I don’t want to hold other people down.

Depression is coming back though. I just really don’t like leaving the house and doing stuff. I go for major appointments but I never go anywhere for me. I really need to get out. When I am out I want to eat fast food and spend money which is bad for me.

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People are trying to protect traditional family values by limiting laws to lgbt

I don’t know how to feel about certain situations when it comes to traditional values. I am not traditional. I have lived a very active dangerous life and blessed to be alive this day.

People don’t want people like me in their churches, bathrooms, restaurants, stores, and truly their homes. So being who I am locks me out of so many doors. Its hard for guys I date cause they don’t want that discrimination on them so when it comes to having a boyfriend especially if its an interracial boyfriend there are issues with me being a trans. Like if he takes me to Florida, if someone knows what I am, then they could sue me in that state and that would embarrass him. It takes a very strong mature man to deal with such things.

In allot of ways I don’t know about going back down south. I lock myself in my home to not deal with situations and other people judging me. I stay in a small town and words about me come out and about but what I do is stay away from these people so when they finally see me they don’t think about the rumors.

People are trying to protect their way of life from outside influences like me. I can understand that but don’t stop me from living. My thing about the bathroom is their are closed doors, they should not care what annother person is doing in a closed door.

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