I am still coughing though. I think its this house. I am not struggling as bad either. I hope this month makes me stronger like last month I got stronger. I want to be tougher and stronger. I am totally single again but its my choice. I have to focus on improving my situation. Everyone around me is doing better than me. I need to find my happiness by improving myself. I still love someone and dont’ talk anymore but they had their own situations to fix. I don’t want to hold other people down.
Depression is coming back though. I just really don’t like leaving the house and doing stuff. I go for major appointments but I never go anywhere for me. I really need to get out. When I am out I want to eat fast food and spend money which is bad for me.
I don’t know how to feel about certain situations when it comes to traditional values. I am not traditional. I have lived a very active dangerous life and blessed to be alive this day.
People don’t want people like me in their churches, bathrooms, restaurants, stores, and truly their homes. So being who I am locks me out of so many doors. Its hard for guys I date cause they don’t want that discrimination on them so when it comes to having a boyfriend especially if its an interracial boyfriend there are issues with me being a trans. Like if he takes me to Florida, if someone knows what I am, then they could sue me in that state and that would embarrass him. It takes a very strong mature man to deal with such things.
In allot of ways I don’t know about going back down south. I lock myself in my home to not deal with situations and other people judging me. I stay in a small town and words about me come out and about but what I do is stay away from these people so when they finally see me they don’t think about the rumors.
People are trying to protect their way of life from outside influences like me. I can understand that but don’t stop me from living. My thing about the bathroom is their are closed doors, they should not care what annother person is doing in a closed door.
Lets give it to Florida to want to hurt transsexuals. TN did this now Florida. There is so much hate towards trans girls. Now I think if you get the surgery you can go to the girls but only after the surgery can you uses the girls bathroom
Ok this is stupid, but its hard to chat or even text a man when you looking rough. Every time I look in the mirror right now, I think he would not talk to me if he saw me at this moment and I start to cry and be sad. He says he understands cause I am sick, but its crazy. He can’t see me. I should be able to stalk him, I mean have a nice conversation, as usual but can’t do that when I look like this.
I am officially a nappy headed hoe right now. I love how my friend tells me about shows he watches. Some are so weird, but others are really good and I get addicted. So to feel close to him I watch 30 rock. I feel like he is right here till I see my hair. I need a perm so bad. You know black girls get their hair strait from perms.
I have not even been able to have sex dreams while I got this nappy Afro on my head.
Its not fair for Females becoming males all they need is a letter from the therapist to get their id changed from female to male. In Alabama for M to F’s they can’t get new driver license without a sex change Its so not fair at all. That shows how the south does things. Maybe things will change now since Alabama approved Gay Marriage. I am happy about Gay marriage in Alabama but transsexual needs rights too. I am sorry I am ranting again. I just read this and it upset me is all.
A friend of mine made a statement about people don’t understand transsexuals. Its a state of mind not just the body. He is so right. Female to males get the law to see that in Alabama, can they see that M to F’s can’t always afford a $15,000 surgery. Allot of guys don’t want a girl to get a sex change. Some girls like as girl with something extra.
Its weird that my life does not go the way I want it to.
I talked to a guy for 3 months and I thought he was perfect in every way but the fact he was a conservative Republican(not my favorite thing). But he was so hot, and smart and different. He checked on me and motivated me then all of sudden I barely heard from him. He was in allot of pain and he hated to show that pain to me so he was very distant. Well I made an insult to the Republican Reps after watching that show , “House of Cards”. That show changed me
My hypertension just was built up from watching that show. I don’t know what happened to me. I turned into a monster. I was jumping on all my friends about their politics. What is wrong with me? Now he never wants to talk to me again and I basically said I take that as you are ending things with me. I cant sit and wait for a guy 2 weeks when he has not giving me any sexually pleasing sex lately. I so need some sexual behavior right now. I miss him so much but there is nothing I can do. I must move on.
I wish I had the benefits of the old me cause I could get over him in 24 hours. Where ever he is my love goes out to him but Its good he ended it now cause if it would have went longer, my heart would not only be broken but destroyed and as suicidal as I am I don’t really truly want to be that person.
As you know allot of guys call us shemales sexually and transsexuals politically. Well I talked to you about this before and I will bring it up again.
The difference is, a shemale is like an animal. She has the heart of a man, a desire of a woman and a man, and the will to do whatever she has to do to survive. A shemale can love but if you break a shemales heart she will become a gold digging angry bitch all about her money. I went through that. A guy broke my heart, even started talking to my best friend and that pissed me off. I turned angry and started ranting online, doing angry pictures, started doing angry fucks. When someone is that hurt, she wants to beat a man. A shemale is more of a dominatrix.
A transsexual can be your wife, your girlfriend and someone to spend the rest of your life with, but most transsexuals do not let you touch their cocks hardly ever. A shemale is a transsexual in the day and a freak behind closed doors and if she is angry she is a freak even in the open doors.
A transsexual will say hello to people and be nice to them. A shemale will expect you to say hello to her first. A shemale is like the character HULK. This is a nice girl but vindictive on one side and a evil horny bitch on another. These girls you see acting on television they are not hardcore shemales. Can you see television talking about shemales and how if you piss them off they will fuck you up your ass. I don’t think so. Some fight with their fist and some fight with their minds. I fight with my mind.
Now when I say we should all be tgirls, I am saying we should all be together as one, cross dressers, transvestites, transsexuals and shemales. We should all work together.