Yes, I am in bed allot. I just don’t feel like dealing with the world a little. I am getting up and eating and washing dishes but there are other things to do and I have not done them yet. Gosh I really need to get on the ball and get my ass up and exercise a little. I don’t feel like walking so I should get up and dance around. I am only getting fatter. I have to get back to the way I was. I want to be happy again.
Glad I went out last night but it did hot help. This afternoon all I wanted was some pork skins. See food is like a trigger for me. I looked on the over eaters website and its Christian based. I don’t know if I could deal with that. I will have to think about it.
Reading in bed though. I am reading more. The only way to finish my book is to read books by others. I am hoping that helps me allot. I will see what happens.
I don’t know whats wrong with me, but my motivation sucks and I have very little determination. I really got to get back to doing things and taking better care of myself. Its really sad that I am going through all these problems. Sometimes I wish I had never been born and life would be so much better. Either way I was born and I have to deal with my life as it is now.
I am just tired of survival a little. I wish I had this big house with allot of volunteer slaves to worship me but it does not work out like that. i have to work for everything I get and sometimes that’s just does not work for me.
I am still having food problems. I have not been to the over eaters group yet. Its hard to go to meetings when I have to be at home working to pay bills. I have the car note, the cable, rent, credit cards. I like having all these things. They make me happy. Sometimes I wish I had a guy to help me sometimes. It would be so nice to just relax and focus on my self.
I know there is no Prince Charming for me, but at least a financial secure guy that would help me out as much as he could. I will keep you all up to date.
I have a friend that is helping me work on my book. The only problem there is too much sex in the book and it might not be able to hit the shelves. Its not about me, its about a young biological girl that is looking for love in all the wrong places.
I want to go visit Philly but it does not seem that possible right now. I hope to go one of these days. I know in Philly guys are not that picky on weight like they are here. I need a good friend and man in my life.